Have you ever heard someone say that? It’s in reference to stuffing something inside you – something you’re trying to avoid or deny or hide or run from instead of dealing with.  The harder you stuff it, the more like it is to “come out sideways” as some form of alternate expression.

I think that’s why I make jewelry. It’s my writing, coming out sideways.

I’ve been writing since I could hold a crayon. It’s just what I do. Over the last five years of my life I have been writing less and less. Between mid life crises and dealing with the emotional rollercoaster of adult children leaving the nest, coupled with some serious dysfunction issues from my childhood, I’ve been stuffing the writing.

You see, writing opens a channel from the depths of my heart and puts the contents therein on display to myself and to the world (should I choose to share my words that way). And sometimes, it’s just too hard to look and see what’s in there. There’s something in there that even to this day I am afraid to identify and face. And I know that the more I write, the closer I get to staring that thing down, whatever it is, face to face.

A couple of years ago, in the zenith of my despair, I put away a few things that were just too painful to carry. One of those things was writing. For all the joy and insight it brought to me and I daresay to at least one other person, the corresponding threat of pain was too risky. I didn’t realize at the time that was why I couldn’t do it anymore. But it is very clear to me now.

The jewelry making is the writing, coming out sideways. Hammering and burning and bending the metal is a non-verbal channel to my heart, which makes it easier for me to deal with then the words. The little pieces of body adornment that result are really little pieces of my heart.

One of the ways I can recognize that the jewelry-making is a direct line to my heart, is that I always end up with irrational fear surrounding the things that open up my heart. I start practicing avoidance – I find a dozen other things I need to do first, before I go out to the workshop and start creating.

And I have found a billion things to do now, before sitting down to write the things that are in my heart. Ironically, though, the very reason I find myself writing on this clear cold morning is because I am avoiding my other heart activity – making the jewelry. Funny. But hey, whatever works.

And now, because I have a commitment to the people who have chosen to put their trust in me and express their appreciation of my craft, I’m heading out to the workshop to do something I love very much.

truth